so shaved my beard it doesnt look great man it looks shit. i guess one of the most nerve wracking things about life is trying to get other people to like you and worrying about whether they do or not. which means so much hings on appearence and candor repor and reputation its all so important to sell the image. youve gotta be a nice guy for them to like you but yeah its all that sorta stuff and its hardcore important. anyhow im slowly kinda making a comback as far as my music is concerned all my favorite bands are slowly filling my harddrive lol and its good and im getting into various interesting things through this television. but yeah im not sure what i want to do with school if i want to go here or somewhere else or just say fuck school. i think its kinda like against the viability of this band that anita wants to go to school in june and what that means is everything kinda will end when she does which i think is pretty crazy i needa do this shit with people who wanna make music as a living maybe but it does seem like something that does seem important to me i want to work with some professionals maybe people who outrank me even which is what that whole situation was with those kids although the problem with them was htey were way too close contact with drugs and stuff. i think the raids that i need to be getting out to are open mics and theyre my life blood and method to get my stuff out there. plus times to write the music, then plus also time to pursue a degree or work at a job whichever seems to be most important. anita is working what 40 hours a week and if she is then -

anyway the whole situation is fucking crazy i mean i guess its dawning on me that ill have to work while im playing music but i guess whats really killing me is how slow shits happening. im thinking how many songs are coming out of me daily and how none of them are getting used anywhere. if were gonna be awesome about this then every time i come with a new song i needa take it out to the open mic.