trying to get all the kinks out and you know what? i think the no music thing was a very good one, kinda like gave me an oppertunity to see hings a bit differently, perhaps even like try things without the training wheels, i mean on one hand it was aterrible experience i was moody and irritable and just bothered by the passing of time and all that but on the other i think it was good for me because i thnk its good to put yourself in typically bothersome settings as it teaches you to just get used to it and try to kinda adapt. its like a challenge and in alot of ways just living among challenging settings are kinda like more or less prepping you for the way it can be like. lieke the importance of things on the wall goes way up through theroof as well as like, having magazines and stuff to read, and just other interesting things around you - basically with the absense of audio stimuli the visual need goes way through the roof. i mean its like trying to match just how awsome things were with like the constant blast of a million different minds all ordered for your listening pleasure on lastfm.

but yeah we've got WoW downloading and i'll go more in depth on that later on the gaming blog. it's taking a hell of alot of tiem though hah.

so one of the first things i notice when i turn lastfm on and listen through trakcs in my library is... well that there's upbeat stuff and then there's downbeat. bands like kaiser chiefs, ... and the majority of music i've listened to in the past has had a negative / pained vibe to it hah. surprise? no not really. suffering from the effects of immigration for so many years in silence as a child mostly mute not encouraged to speak and without proper adult supervision and guidiance, my way through teh world was a rough path strewn with added difficulty when compared to that of my peers wealthy established comfortable and well endowed in friends and community whilst i on the other hand styed indoors mostly disconnected with those who lived in close proximity to me. i was the exception to those in that shcool living as an immigrant does and i really think that a school such as MVS which is meant to encourage this whole rejuvination process of these people to help them assimilate and become great citizens, they should then since they seem to attract wealthy immigrant families that they should put something in place for those children who have just made their way through the country and are restablishing themselves that the school should try and educate the parents as well as children to try and avoid latent problems due to a lack of ability on the childs part to deal with the difficulty of immigration. and this to me seems really like the crux of the problem you can't really go around and try all the stuff you're attempting to without like completelys poiling things between you and your folks so things need to be arranged in such a way that you aren't stepping on toes from the get go rather than you are trying to do all you can to kindof make things as good as they can be for that is the way that we can move from day to day in a very calm way and we dont really have problems and issues that hide and perhps stem from the originator theimmigration that thing which should have been addressed at a young age but was not and this to me is the source of many problems in my life and perhaps also others who have immigrated as well and this is really the thing that ive really decided to see myself as, a third-culture-kid is a very potent and tangible thing for me because it describes who & what i am and what i've experienced and a way that i ca be distinguished from other people. that feeling of being different has been founded my whole life nad this is why, it's the quantified identification of those that have gone through shit and then emerged out the other end.

music is a reassurance that im trying to ween myself off of.